The One with the Tabo

I can't stand cold showers. Every morning, I stand under hot, and I mean almost-scalding hot, shower. It would often be so hot that a steam fills the bathroom even with the exhaust on. For me, the hotter the shower, the better. It's funny how I can't imagine not having hot water when I grew up without one. 

Showering in the Philippines is an art. First, not everyone has shower heads. I grew up not having one. What we had was a faucet, a plastic pail, and a plastic dipper, or more correctly called "tabo". A University of the Philippines professor wrote about the Filipino's "tabo culture", which explains the sociological relation of this object to the Filipino identity. Too bad I can't hyperlink from my phone. The article was quite entertaining. 

Anyway, I said showering in the Philippines is an art. The first splash of water from the tabo is the hardest to make. For some Filipinos, they like it quick and loud. What I meant with that is, they would grab the tabo by the handle, dip it in the pail for water, and immediately splash the icy cold water into their dry body. This is often followed by a loud shriek of "Whooooo!!". It helps too if you would jump up and down while blasting yourself with water from the tabo in quick, rapid succession. The yelling and jumping really helps in overcoming the shock of the icy water connecting to the hot and dry body. 

For others, like me, I usually did it slow and quiet. First, I would flip my hair upside down. Then, I would grab the tabo, dip it in the pail for water, bring the tabo to my head, and let the cold water slowly trickle down my hair, the back of my neck, and all the way to my back. The slow trickle of ice water, the shudders that come after it, and quiet wail of "Hoooo-hoo-hoo" prepare me for the icy cold water that is inevitably coming. 

(This is not me, by the way)

After I shower, I would stand in front of a stand fan tobdry my hair. In the summer, the heat coming from the fan made hair drying easy. In colder months like December, it takes twice longer to hair dry. My skin care regimen included a little bit of moisturizer to my face, a little powder, and a little bit of make-up. I did go for facials and hair treatments once a month (salon services are waaay cheaper in the Philippines). 

Then I came to America, was introduced to hot showers and various skin care products, and my life has never been the same. What I mean is, my hair dried out, my dermatitis flare-ups became more frequent, and my keratosis pilaris have gotten worse. I NEVER had any of this in the Philippines! I had healthy, thick hair, my KP was barely noticeable, and my dermatitis was well under control. And I hardly have any pimples! 

What I'm trying to say is hot showers ruined me! And that I need a trip to the salon ASAP! 

 

The One with the Half Day Field Trip

One of those unplanned days that turned out terrific...

When Jet and I got up, I asked him if he wanted to go to the beach. Well, if you know my husband, then you know I just said the magic words. So we spent the morning at Tybee Beach..

Before we left the beach, he asked if I wanted ice cream. So when I said, "No. Is that even a question?" we drove straight to Leopold's, where else?

Well, turns out, today is Leopold's 96th birthday. The whole street was closed for their free block party. AND their single scoop ice cream was selling for just 96 cents that day! Even better.

Happy 96th birthday Leopold's!

After getting our ice cream, we drove over to Goodwill which was only a few blocks away anyway. I have been eyeing this Goodwill for quite a while but I can't drive there by myself because I do not know how to parallel park lol. Anyway, it was the best. Paul scored an xbox game for $2 and I found a new pair of black wedges for $4! 

And now, my half day field trip is done. I am back to reality a.k.a laundry, case studies, and lesson plans. 

The One About a Name

Nine out of ten students in my sixth grade class will probably know the answer to this question: What is a noun?

Every time I ask this question, boys and girls will start blurting out in unison: "It is a name of person, a thing, or an animal!" They know this basic concept: everything and everyone has a name.

A first grader once asked me, "Why does everything has a name?"

It just is. Everything has a name, at least everything that is known. It is a tool for communication.

How can I respond if I'm not called to?

How can I buy something if I can't tell what it is I want to buy?

How can people travel if they don't know the name of the place they are going to?

How can you get a grip of your emotion if you can't name the emotion running deep within you? Anger, fear, betrayal, rejection, desolation...

How can you find a cure for an illness if you do not know what it is called?
Fever, hepatitis, chicken pox, pneumonia, cancer, HIV...

How can you seek for help, if you can't name what you need?
Food, money, friend, hope, approval, love, salvation...


There must be a gazillion names out there, but guess what? There is a Name that is above every and all names.

Therefore God exalted him to the highest place, and gave him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, and in heaven and on earth and under earth, and every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father. Philippians 2:9-11 (italics mine)

Imagine that! Name your greatest fear and Jesus is above that name! Isolation? Sickness? Death? The psalmist said, "Call upon Me in the day of trouble; I shall rescue you, and you shall honor Me." (Psalm 50:15). 

Call upon the name of Jesus for at the name of Jesus, every knee in heaven, on earth, and under earth bow down and tremble! Praise His Holy Name!!

Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved. Romans 10:13

The One About Genesis 3

God is a holy god. He will not let sin go unpunished. Just like when God cursed the serpent, Adam, and then Eve, every sin has a consequence. There is no little nor huge sin in God's eyes. A sin is a sin and both will have a lasting effect in man's life. Lying has a consequence and so does murder. 

However, God is a loving god. Despite Adam and Eve's disobedience in the Garden of Eden, despite of God's anger AT their sin, God still tended for their needs. For instance, Adam and Eve were in hiding because they were ashamed of their nakedness. But instead of leaving them naked in their shame, God himself made them clothes from animal skin. Isn't that love? How many times have we walked out of a situation because we were angry? How many times have we intentionally ignored loved ones' need because we couldn't stand being near them? In our anger, we often times forget to be loving and it is because man gets angry AT the person. Gid is not like that. God hates sin and will not tolerate it, but he loves his children despite of their sin. How God can love a person and hate their sin is incomprehensible. 

So God is a loving god even when he will not let sin go unpunished. But not only that, God is concerned about our future, too. Imagine Adam and Eve, clothe in the dress that God made for them, stumbled upon the Tree of Life and ate its fruit? God said they would then live forever! That would've been a major disaster! We are talking about forever watching your loved ones in pain. We're talking about a person forever suffering from cancer. People aging but not dying. Wasting away with no rest. No, God saw what a horrible life that would be for mankind, and so He banished Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden, placing his angels to guard the Tree of Life, not because He's being mean, but because He is being merciful. Great is our God! 

The One About a Different War

Since 2012, Jet and I had been privileged to be a part of the Filipino delegation to various mission works in the Native American soil. Right now, there are about 3 million Native Americans in the United States and close to 600 federally recognized tribes. Census showed over the years that unemployment and poverty in the Native American reservations are consistently the highest in the United States. The unemployment rate in the US as of 2014 is 6.7% while in Blackfoot reservation in Montana, for instance, the unemployment rate is a staggering 69%. That number is higher than the peak of unemployment rate in the US during the Great Depression, which was 25%. It is not surprising then that the suicide rate among the Native Americans is also above the national average in the US. Many of these people are hopeless, desperate, hungry, and forgotten. And they're living among us.

Over the years, I have seen with my own eyes that those numbers are not just statistics; they're very, very real. Entering an Indian reservation/village is like walking into another country. Take Tetlin, Alaska for instance. Tetlin is a very small Native American village near Tok, Alaska--home to about 40 households. Almost 50% of this number is living below the poverty line. Oh that's only half, you may say. No, that's 50% of people living below poverty line, which means the other half are living IN poverty.

And that's only in Alaska. I haven't written about the Menominee Indian Reservation in Green Bay, Wisconsin where suicide is a common option to "help out" loved ones (dying means less mouth to feed).

Now let me switch gear here for a minute. Yesterday, the Supreme Court ruled in favor of gay marriage in the US and naturally the Christian church is devastated. In retrospect, we had this coming. Long-term trend clearly indicates that many Americans are rejecting the Christian faith. In fact poll results show that the younger you are, the more likely that you do not have any religious affiliation. The church have seen a decline in the Christian faith since the 1970s and guess what age group same-sex marriage is most popular with. You see, it takes two to tango. Moral decay do not happen overnight. Painful it may be but our church have failed our society by being comfortable in our big ol' nice stained-glass church (today the big ol' church is just that...old, and empty). 

The Bible says that our struggle is not against flesh and blood but against the spiritual forces of evil (Ephesians 6:12). We have become the church of Laodecia--neither hot nor cold for God. Christians are not on fire for God but they are not really outright rejecting Him either. This attitude, according to Revelation 3, sickens the Lord. LGBT, therefore is not the enemy, our complacency is.

Our faith have been under attack many times and Christians have been defending their faith for so long. Don't you think that it is now time for us to be on the offensive side of this battle? We need to put on the armor of God by taking the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, and bring our troops to where the action is. To win this battle, we need to reach out to the lost and make things matter in the heavenly realm. 

Jet, Andrea, Paul, and I have decided to take the offensive side of this spiritual war. We, together with other Filipinos from California and West Virginia, are joining our Native American brothers and sisters in Fort Belknap, Montana this week to reach out to the lost. With God's help, we are taking part in ending the cycle of hopelessness and despair among the Native American children of Montana. Doing this mission doesn't make me a better Christian than you are. I am writing this in hope that if you read this, you will be move to action like I was. A wise pastor once asked me, "Do you believe that Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life and that no one comes to the Father but only through him?" Of course you know my response to that. But then he asked again, "If you believe that Jesus is the only way to the Father, how do you think the people who have no access to the gospel can make it to heaven?" That question forever changed my view as a Christian. Remember, Jesus' mandate is to make disciples of ALL nations. It may be difficult to go to all nations myself but if all of us professing Christians will arm ourselves and take back from Satan what's rightfully God's then there won't be unreached people for long. Winning this battle is not the goal. No, we are not fighting for victory. We are fighting from victory. This war has been won in the Calvary a long time ago. On that Cross, Jesus proved that #LoveWins. Please take comfort in that.

So if I may ask you to pray for three specific things today:

1. Pray that we will be able to maintain a servant's heart and become more sensitive to the work of the Holy Spirit. Pray that we speak with boldness and courage. 

“Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful. And pray for us, too, that God may open a door for our message, so that we may proclaim the mystery of Christ, for which I am in chains” (Colossians 4:2–3, NIV).

2. Pray that the children who are joining the camp will have a receptive heart and really hear the gospel of truth. 

"But this is the new covenant I will make with the people of Israel on that day, says the Lord: I will put my laws in their minds, and I will write them on their hearts. I will be their God, and they will be my people. Hebrews 8:10

3. Pray that this experience will draw our family more intimately to our Lord Jesus. This is Andrea's and Paul's first mission work and they are very excited. Yeaterday, while we were at Michael's, Andrea all of a sudden felt dizzy and collapsed on the floor. When she came out of it, she was very pale and really dazed. We brought her to the ER where the doctor ruled she was very dehydrated. On our way home, Paul remarked, "Hay naku...si Satan talaga..." Yes, they know what is at stake in Montana.

As for me, I pray that God's name will be glorified in all this. Laws change. Politics, beliefs, ideals...all of these can flip any minute. That is why I praise our living God that he is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. He is still at work and he will never get tired nor slumber. Satan may have prevailed in America yesterday, but today we're lifting His Banner high to this nation. 

That being said, our family's sword is drawn...full battle gear on. 

The One with Big Questions

The apostle Paul asked the Corinthians, "What do you have that God hasn't given you?" (1 Corinthians 4:7)

Everything comes from the Lord. Our family, our spouse, our children, our relationships...all these were given by God. Our jobs, promotions, and other career opportunities...these were granted by our Lord. The food on our table, the clothes on our back, the roof over our head...provided by our Father. You come to work because your boss needs you. You have a job to do in your company. You come home and your children need you. You have children to raise. You're wanted. You're needed.

But here's a statement from our Lord:

"I trained them and made them strong, yet now they plot evil against me. They look everywhere except to the Most High. They are useless as a crooked bow." Hosea 7:15-16

So you think you're healthy? You think you're blessed with a good home, nice car, fancy clothes, abundant meals, and exhilirating experiences? So you think you've travelled and seen the world? Listen: you're useless. You're useless if your eyes are not fixed on the Lord. If God can't use you because the material wealth that surrounds you prevent God from using you, then you are "useless as a crooked bow." 

It's not enough that you do good. You have to show mercy. It's not enough that you go to church, you have to have a relationship with the One who made you. God desires a relationship with you. (Hosea 6:6)

Here's a bigger question: What's your life's purpose? Is it to raise educated children? Is it to have a fat 401k? Is it to be a CEO? Is it to have a bigger house and nicer car? What on earth are you here for? 

Those who have ears, let them hear. 

The One At The Beach

One of the perks of living in Savannah is its proximity to the beach. Last night when my husband asked, "What's the weather like tomorrow?" and I answered, "It will be sunny and cloudless"...we both know what that means. We're heading for the beach! 

What I like about living close to the beach is that we can go there with as little planning as possible. My family was at the beach before 9am. We had no beach umbrella, no beach towel to sit on, no snacks, and no cooler to drag. When we got out of the car, we just had with us hats, sunglasses, sunblock, beach ball, and surfing board for the kids. We're really simply there to frolick under the sun.

I also love it that at that hour, the beach wasn't very crowded yet. The only draw back is that the water is a little bit chilly (it isn't summer yet after all) so Paul was getting "bored" because he couldn't swim. Thanks to my years of experience of impromptu lesson planning, I was able to improvise some games. The kids and I played "sand fight" (like a snow fight). Ten points if you hit the head, 5 if you hit the upper torso, and 2 if you hit the lower body. That was fun but boys are rough playmates! I think I still have red marks from where I was hit. On the other hand, Andrea emptied her dad's coffee cup so she can use it to collect seashells but there wasn't much on the shore so we used the cup to play "basketball" instead. We placed the cup in the middle of us and made balls out of mud. Everytime your "ball" makes it to the cup, you get 2 points. I won that game easily. We also met a Filipina who lives close to us. She invited us to her house next weekend (new possible friend...yay!)

When we left close to noon, the beach was already packed and the sun was already intense. It was the quickest packing up we've ever done--only because the only thing we had to do was pick up our shirts and hats. This trip is definitely happening again soon. 

The One in Mother's Day

You know how first time mom-to-be is before she goes to the hospital to give birth to her child: First, she makes sure that the house is ready for the baby's arrival. She checks the room, the crib, the pillows, the stairs, and everything. Then she makes certain that everything her new baby would need are packed in her hospital bag. Finally, the first time mom-to-be steps out of of the house, shuts the door behind her, and walks to her new life with fear, excitement, and doubt all rolled into one.

I was privileged to have the same experience over a year ago only mine is a little different. Okay MORE different. 

The day before I became a mother, I checked our apartment to make sure that everything was in place. But instead of a crib, I was checking on twin beds...hoping that the colors of the bed covers I chose match their taste. I also made sure that there was food in the house because I heard children get hungry all the time. Then for the last time I checked the weather in Los Angeles, CA. My phone app says it would be cold in L.A. so as an after-thought, I threw sweatshirts into our luggage: one 8-year old boy jacket and one girl's youth sweatshirt. When I felt like everything was in order, I followed my husband out of our front door, looking around one last time. "Are you ready?" my husband asked and somehow I knew he wasn't just asking whether I was ready to leave. "Are you?" I asked him back.

For many, motherhood begins in the womb. Mine began when I married my husband who already had two children (whom he was barely with for 13 years). As we stood waiting at the arrival area of Los Angeles International Airport, we shared the same feelings other first-time parents have: excitement and fear. Will they like staying with us? Will they like us? Will I like them? My husband at least is ahead of me in that sense--they are his children after all. 

Now let me tell you, being a stepparent is not easy (thanks Cinderella for putting the "wicked stepmother" stigma upon us). I've come to realize that there are a lot of gray areas in step parenting. I find myself in awkward situations (like that time we had dinner in a Vietnamese restaurant and this guy told me I don't look like my children) or I find myself having to explain our situation to people. It is difficult enough to be a stepmother but it is twice difficult being a Filipino stepmother. Stepparenting is still a taboo subject in our country that is widely conservative. So when I tell my newly found Filipino friends why my children call me "tita" (auntie), I see the unspoken words in their eyes. I hear beyond their "Ah okay" after I tell them that they're my husband's children but not technically mine. I know there are more questions that they want to ask but they don't ask so I don't explain. It's hard to explain our situation anyway. And that's only dealing with people outside our family. 

So how do you raise children you didn't give birth to? Unlike "real" mothers, I didn't have an umbilical cord that tied me to these children. They are separate from me. They were strangers when I first laid my eyes on them. I know I am not my stepchildren's mother but I don't want to be just their friend either. Should I be cool? Or stern? Who am I to these children? And most importantly, who do I become? 

I remember when we first enrolled my stepchildren to school. I was momentarily confused when I came upon the Parent/Guardian information section of the form. Should I put parent or guardian? I watched my husband write my name under "Mother's Name" on the form he was filling out. I was surprised (and relieved) that he didn't even falter. Didn't even pause to think about it.

Months later, my 10-year old stepson started coming home with tons of homework that he could't do by himself so I sat with him and taught him his multiplication table, drilled him in spelling, and quizzed him before a test. He'd go to bed without brushing his teeth and then complain of a toothache the next day. So I brought him to the dentist and trained him to brush his teeth at least twice a day. He loved sports and wasn't very excited about school. So we got him into a basketball camp and then bought him books which we read together at night whenever I wasn't busy (he now loves school and he is finishing 4th grade with honors). My stepson had the severe case of sibling rivalry so I tried to treat him as fairly as I treat his sister. Both gets to do chores, both are rewarded for hard work, and both are denied the privileges when they do wrong. 

My 14-year old stepdaughter is awkward. She feels fat and inferior than those gangly, anorexic K-pop singers she watch all the time. So I encourage her to treat herself kinder. She's smart and pretty. I don't tell her that her weight will not define her character instead I try to open her eyes to things more important like compassion, adventure, wisdom, and faith. I avoid telling her to lose weight because she's fat...she's miserable enough. Instead, I encourage her to walk, run, jump, be active...because you do life like that. I tell her she can depend on no one but God and herself so when opportunities are presented to her, she must grab them and hit the ground running. I tell her to seize life because life is short. At the end of this life, God will not put her on a weighing scale and check if her weight pass the mark or if her thigh has gaps. After my "sermon", I take her shopping, we paint our nails, or I show her how to put make-up on because you still want to look pretty when you run after all. 

And my husband. We'd lie down in bed at night and he'll complain of all these body aches from working long hours. He'll tell me about his frustrations, what he ate for lunch, and who got angry with whom. Then I remind him of the children's field trips, prom, dentist appointments, and basketball practice. He'd whine about the kids being too busy he can barely keep up with them. But he's the daddy. Wasn't time management supposed to be inherent in daddies? 

So, tell me. If I am not my husband's children's mother, who am I then?

Yesterday, while my stepson was getting ready for his field trip, he told me he was very excited for tomorrow. I asked him why and with an excited voice and twinkling eyes, he said because tomorrow is Mother's Day. "But you're not a mother," I pointed out to him.

"But you are!" he exclaimed. 

So to the stepmothers out there: Happy Mother's Day. You are doing a fine, fine job. Weird but most definitely fine. 

Slay, stepmothers!

My stepson did all these. He also bought me a magnet to add to my collection when he was out on his field trip in an aquarium in South Carolina. Later, my stepdaughter promised she'll do the day's chores. I'm totally cool with that. But while I was in the bathroom at Starbucks when we went there after church, she surprised me by getting me a new tumbler :) Blended family is not for everyone but I think it is safe to say that we are totally killing it!